Dealing with toxic family members is frustrating, stressful, and often times heart-breaking.
Do you keep them in your life and deal with their negativity, or do you cut them off completely?
“People cannot hurt you without your permission.” Mahatma Gandhi
Remember that you can’t change others but only yourself, and that you ultimately have control over how you feel.
If your family member say things that are negative or outright critical about a certain aspect of your life (e.g. your relationships, physical appearance, career, skills, intellect etc), then respectfully ask them to refrain from talking about that part of your life.
Sometimes people have a hard time distinguishing what types of comments are supportive vs those that are critical, so just ask them not to speak about those areas at all.
To understand why your parents or family member behave in an unloving way, you must honor their struggles, their past, and who they are. They most likely have some pain or emotional wounds that need healing, wounds of which probably stem from their own childhood. The only job you have is to not fall into their vicious cycle of inflicting pain on others.
In order to bring peace to your mind and soul, let go of your need to win the argument and forgive them for the past.
- Realize that they are unaware of what they do to you. When your family behave in an unloving way, it’s not with the intention to hurt you. They are just unaware of the negative impact they have on your life.
Even though you may want to share your hopes and dreams with your parents or family, they may not understand or be able to support you in a way that lifts you up instead of shuts you down.
Remember that any relationship, whether it’s with your parents, husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, sister/brother, or best friend, should be encouraging, positive, uplifting, inspiring, and nurturing. Remember that you already have all the skills, abilities, and talents inside you to feel good about yourself, overcome any challenges, and to create unwavering happiness for yourself. You do not need to be dependent on anyone.
You are worthy of having unconditional love in your life. You are worthy of being accepted and loved just the way you are. No matter how out of place you may feel. You are worthy of your dreams and desires. Cherish and hold onto your dreams and don’t let anyone stop or slow you down, no matter what blood ties they have with you.